i think i have herpe
just one?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
then he tried to convert me to islam
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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