Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
