is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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