Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You smell like stripper and shame
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Randomize
