Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
