I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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