Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
