Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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