I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
