you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
