She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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