He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
love makes seman taste better
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
