xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
