matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize