even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
