Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
