he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
