i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
