I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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