Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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