His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
