I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He felt like a one man threesome
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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