fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
