Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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