"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
