My balls are so social today.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
