Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
