Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
