3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
