if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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