Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
