There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
