Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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