She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
