So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
