went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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