she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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