Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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