ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
