last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
