I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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