i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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