so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
