I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
