is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just cropdusted the office
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
