Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
