mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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