last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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