Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
