My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
