It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
