there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
