I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
