i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
