I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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