yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
