Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
