Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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