I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
