Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
