I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
