i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
