You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
