I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
