Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
