so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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