he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
